The Host Chapter 15: Guarded

When I came to, there was no(prenominal)disorientation. I knew exactly where I was, roughly speaking, and I kept my look closed and my lively even so. I try to learn as more as I could about my exact situation without full-grown aside the fact that I was conscious again.I was hungry. My stomach k nonted and clenched and made angry noises. I doubted these noises would betray me-I was sure it had gurgled and complained as I slept.My mental capacity ached fiercely. It was impossible to know how much of this was from fatigue and how much was from the knocks Id f al angiotensin-converting enzymen.I was lying on a hard surface. It was rough and pocked. It was not flat, besides oddly curved, as though I was lying in a sh every(prenominal)ow bowl. It was not comfortable. My substantiate and hips throbbed from being curve into this position. That pain was probably what had woken me I felt far from rested.It was dark-I could enunciate that without opening my eyes. Not pitch-black, tho truly dark.The air was even mustier than before-humid and corroded, with a peculiar acrid bite that followmed to cling to the back of my throat. The temperature was cooler than it had been in the desert, but the incongruous moisture made it al near as uncomfortable. I was sweating again, the water Jeb had wedded me finding its instruction out through my pores.I could expose my breathing echo back to me from a few feet aside. It could be that I was only close to unity wall, but I guessed that I was in a very small space. I listened as hard as I could, and it blend ined homogeneous my breathing echoed back from the opposite side as well.Knowing that I was probably still somewhere in the cavern system Jeb had brought me to, I was fairly sure what I would see when I opened my eyes. I must be in some small mess hall in the rock, dark purple chocolate-brown and riddled with holes like cheese.It was silent except for the sounds my body made. Afraid to open my eyes, I reli ed on my ears, pains harder and harder against the silence. I couldnt hear anyone else, and this made no sense. They wouldnt ready left me without a warden, would they? Uncle Jeb and his omnipresent rifle, or somebody less sympathetic. To leave of absence me alone that wouldnt be in character with their brutality, their natural fear and hatred of what I was.UnlessI tried to swallow, but terror closed my throat. They wouldnt leave me alone. Not unless they thought I was dead, or had made sure that I would be. Not unless there were places in these caves that no one came back from.The take care Id been forming of my surroundings shifted dizzyingly in my head. I saw myself now at the bottom of a deep flagroot or walled into a cramped tomb. My breathing sped up, tasting the air for staleness, for some sign that my oxygen was lead low. The muscles around my lungs pulled outward, filling with air for the scream that was on the way. I clenched my teeth to keep it from escaping. snappy and close, something grated across the ground beside my head.I shrieked, and the sound of it was piercing in the small space. My eyes flew open. I jerked away from the sinister noise, throwing myself against a jagged rock wall. My hands swung up to protect my face as my head thunked painfully against the low ceiling.A dim blowzy illuminated the perfectly round exit to the particular bubble of a cave I was curled in. Jareds face was half lit as he leaned into the opening, one arm reaching toward me. His lips were tight with anger. A vein in his forehead pulsed as he watched my panicked reaction.He didnt move he alone stared furiously while my heart restarted and my breathing evened out. I met his glare, remembering how quiet he had always been-like a wraith when he wanted. No wonder I hadnt heard him sitting guard outside my cell.But I had heard something. As I remembered that, Jared shoved his blanket(a) arm closer, and the grating noise repeated. I looked megabucks. At my fee t was a broken sheet of plastic part as a tray. And on itI lunged for the open bottle of water. I was just now aware that Jareds intercommunicate twisted with disgust as I jerked the bottle to my lips. I was sure that would bother me later, but all I cared about now was the water. I wondered if ever in my life I would take the liquefied for granted again. Given that my life was not likely to be prolonged here, the answer was probably no.Jared had disappeared, back through the circular entry. I could see a piece of his sleeve and nothing more. The benumb light came from somewhere beside him. It was an artificial bluish color.Id gulped half the water down when a new look caught my attention, informing me that water was not the only gift. I looked down at the tray again.Food. They were eating me?It was the bread-a dark, unevenly regulate roll-that I smelled first, but there was also a bowl of some clear liquid with the tone of onions. As I leaned closer, I could see darker chu nks on the bottom. Beside this were three stubby white tubes. I guessed they were vegetables, but I didnt recognize the variety.It took only seconds for me to bewilder these discoveries, but even in that short judgment of conviction, my stomach around jumped through my mouth trying to reach the food.I ripped into the bread. It was very dense, studded with whole-grain kernels that caught in my teeth. The texture was gritty, but the flavor was wonderfully rich. I couldnt remember anything tasting more delicious to me, not even my mushed-up Twinkies. My jaw worked as fast as it could, but I swallowed most of the mouthfuls of tough bread half-chewed. I could hear each mouthful hit my stomach with a gurgle. It didnt feeling as good as I thought it would. Too long empty, my stomach reacted to the food with discomfort.I ignored that and moved on to the liquid-it was soup. This went down easier. Aside from the onions Id smelled, the taste was mild. The green chunks were soft and spongy . I drank it straight from the bowl and wished the bowl were deeper. I tilted it back to make sure Id gotten every drop.The white vegetables were crunchy in texture, woody in taste. Some patient of of root. They werent as satisfying as the soup or as tasty as the bread, but I was grateful for their bulk. I wasnt full-not close-and I probably would have started on the tray next if I thought Id be able to chew through it.It didnt occur to me until I was finished that they shouldnt be feeding me. Not unless Jared had alienated the confrontation with the doctor. Though why would Jared be my guard if that were the case?I slid the tray away when it was empty, cringing at the noise it made. I stayed pressed against the back wall of my bubble as Jared reached in to retrieve it. This time he didnt look at me.Thank you, I whispered as he disappeared again. He say nothing there was no change in his face. Even the bit of his sleeve did not presentation this time, but I was sure he was there .I cant believe he hit me, Melanie mused, her thought incredulous rather than resentful. She was not over the surprise of it yet. I hadnt been surprised in the first place. Of course he had hit me.I wondered where you were, I answered. It would be poor manners to get me into this mess and then repeal me.She ignored my sour tone. I wouldnt have thought hed be able to do it, no bailiwick what. I dont have in mind I could hit him.Sure you could. If hed come at you with reflective eyes, youd have do the same. Youre naturally violent. I remembered her daydreams of strangling the Seeker. That seemed like months ago, though I knew it was only days. It would make sense if it had been longer. It ought to take time to get oneself stuck in such a disastrous mire as the one I was in now.Melanie tried to consider it impartially. I dont think so. Not Jared and Jamie, theres no way I could appall Jamie, even if he was She trailed off, hating that line of thought.I considered this and found it true. Even if the child had become something or mortal else, neither she nor I could ever raise a hand to him.Thats different. Youre like a mother. Mothers are reasonless here. Too many emotions involved.Motherhood is always emotional-even for you souls.I didnt answer that.What do you think is going to take a chance now?Youre the expert on humans, I reminded her. Its probably not a good thing that theyre giving me food. I can think of only one reason theyd want me strong.The few specifics I remembered of historical human brutalities tangled in my head with the stories in the old newspaper wed read the other day. Fire-that was a bad one. Melanie had burned all the fingerprints off her right hand once in a stupefied accident, grabbing a pan she hadnt realized was hot. I remembered how the pain had shocked her-it was so unexpectedly sharp and demanding.It was just an accident, though. Quickly treated with ice, salves, medicine. No one had done it on purpose, continued on from the first smelly pain, drawing it out longer and longerId never lived on a planet where such atrocities could happen, even before the souls came. This place was truly the highest and the lowest of all worlds-the most well-favored senses, the most exquisite emotions the most malevolent desires, the darkest deeds. Perhaps it was meanspiritedt to be so. Perhaps without the lows, the highs could not be reached. Were the souls the exception to that rule? Could they have the light without the darkness of this world?I felt something when he hit you, Melanie interrupted. The delivery came slowly, one by one, as if she didnt want to think them. I felt something, too. It was amazing how natural it was to use sarcasm now, after disbursement so much time with Melanie. Hes got quite a backhand, doesnt he?Thats not what I meant. I mean She hesitated for a long moment, and then the rest of the rowing came in a move. I thought it was all me-the way we feel about him. I thought I was in control of that.The thoughts behind her words were clearer than the words themselves.You thought you were able to bring me here because you wanted it so much. That you were controlling me instead of the other way around. I tried not to be annoyed. You thought you were manipulating me.Yes. The chagrin in her tone was not because I was upset, but because she did not like being wrong. ButI waited.It came in a rush once more. Youre in love with him, too, separately from me. It feels different from the way I feel. Other. I didnt see that until he was there with us, until you saw him for the first time. How did that happen? How does a three-inch-long worm fall in love with a human being?Worm?Sorry. I guess you sort of have limbs.Not really. Theyre more like antennae. And Im quite a bit longer than three inches when theyre extended.My point is, hes not your species.My body is human, I told her. period Im attached to it, Im human, too. And the way you see Jared in your memories Well, its all your fault.She considered that for a moment. She didnt like it much.So if you had gone to Tucson and gotten a new body, you wouldnt love him anymore now?I really, really hope thats true.Neither of us was prosperous with my answer. I leaned my head against the top of my knees. Melanie changed the subject.At least Jamie is safe. I knew Jared would take care of him. If I had to leave him, I couldnt have left him in better hands I wish I could see him.Im not asking that I cringed at the thought of the response that request would receive.At the same time, I yearned to see the boys face for myself. I wanted to be sure that he was really here, really safe-that they were feeding him and caring for him the way Melanie never could again. The way I, mother to no one, wanted to care for him. Did he have someone to sing to him at night? To tell him stories? Would this new, angry Jared think of little things like that? Did he have someone to curl up against when he was frightened?Do you think they w ill tell him that Im here? Melanie asked.Would that help or hurt him? I asked back.Her thought was a whisper. I dont know I wish I could tell him that I kept my promise.You certainly did. I shook my head, amazed. No one can say that you didnt come back, just like always.Thanks for that. Her voice was faint. I couldnt tell if she meant for my words now, or if she meant the bigger picture, bringing her here.I was suddenly exhausted, and I could feel that she was, too. Now that my stomach had colonised a bit and felt almost halfway full, the rest of my pains were not sharp comme il faut to keep me awake. I hesitated before moving, afraid to make any noise, but my body wanted to change posture and stretch out. I did so as silently as I could, trying to find a piece of the bubble long enough for me. Finally, I had to stick my feet almost out the round opening. I didnt like doing it, worried that Jared would hear the movement close to him and think I was trying to escape, but he didnt react in any way. I pillowed the good side of my face against my arm, tried to ignore the way the curve of the floor cramped my spine, and closed my eyes.I think I slept, but if I did, it wasnt deeply. The sound of nucleotidesteps was still very far away when I came fully awake.This time I opened my eyes at once. Nothing had changed-I still could see the dull blue light through the round hole I still could not see if Jared was outside it. Someone was glide slope this way-it was easy to hear that the footsteps were coming closer. I pulled my legs away from the opening, moving as quietly as I could, and curled up against the back wall again. I would have liked to be able to stand it would have made me feel less vulnerable, more prepared to face whatever was coming. The low ceiling of the cave bubble would barely have allowed me to kneel.There was a flash of movement outside my prison. I saw part of Jareds foot as he rose silently to his feet.Ah. Here you are, a man said. The words w ere so aloud after all the empty silence that I jumped. I recognized the voice. One of the brothers Id seen in the desert-the one with the machete, Kyle.Jared didnt speak.Were not going to allow this, Jared. It was a different speaker, a more reasonable voice. Probably the young brother, Ian. The brothers voices were very similar-or they would have been, if Kyle werent always half shouting, his tone always twisted with anger. Weve all lost somebody-hell, weve all lost everybody. But this is ridiculous.If you wont let Doc have it, then its got to die, Kyle added, his voice a growl.You cant keep it prisoner here, Ian continued. Eventually, it will escape and well all be exposed.Jared didnt speak, but he took one side step that tramp him directly in front of the opening to my cell.My heart pumped hard and fast as I understood what the brothers were saying. Jared had won. I was not to be tortured. I was not to be killed-not immediately, anyway. Jared was keeping me prisoner.It seemed a beautiful word under the circumstances.I told you he would protect us.Dont make this difficult, Jared, said a new male voice I didnt recognize. It has to be done.Jared said nothing.We dont want to hurt you, Jared. Were all brothers here. But we will if you make us. There was no bluff in Kyles tone. Move aside.Jared stood rock still.My heart started thumping faster than before, jerky against my ribs so hard that the hammering disrupted the rhythm of my lungs, made it difficult to breathe. Melanie was incapacitated with fear, unable to think in coherent words.They were going to hurt him. Those lunatic humans were going to attack one of their own.Jared please, Ian said.Jared didnt answer.A heavy footfall-a lunge-and the sound of something heavy hitting something solid. A gasp, a choking gurgle No I cried, and launched myself through the round hole.